I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
