Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
