I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
