This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
