I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
