i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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