You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
