Banned from zoo.
Again?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
