i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize