He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
