did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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