I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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