I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
