the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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