What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
