Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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