he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
