Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Define "chronic" masturbator.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
