we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
