I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
