I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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