I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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