No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didn't notice because vodka
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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