He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
