i may or may not be watching the land before time
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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