I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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