And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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