Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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