guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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