Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
