From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
