i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
