is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
