Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
