time to smoke my breakfast
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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