your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
