dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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