...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
