Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
