I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
