I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
