you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
