Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
