After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize