Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
