Who wears a wallet chain?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
