4 words: hood of his car
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
