I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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