tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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