i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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