Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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