I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
