i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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