I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
