you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
