I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize