I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A bitchslap is in order.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize