There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
