my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
