Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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