I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
