I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
