I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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