i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
