Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
