She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
