I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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